If your brother is hungry, give him bread to eat...

It started out as a promisingly lovely day... one of those gloomy, dark days that entices you to do something.

It was morning and the house was rather empty; it was just me and Laina and Liam. Snow lay littered on the ground and the wind howled around the eaves of the house, and I thought to myself... 'This is it. The perfect day to make something...dear Mom's gone, it's Saturday, and there's a bunch of white flour and sugar stashed in the pantry from the holiday baking-- why not be industrious and make something from it all?'

So I did.

Or rather... proceeded to. I decided to make Cardamom Bread; which I adore. I never got around to making it before Christmas, and actually hadn't made it in about two years. We have a splendid recipe for it.... but the only problem was... I couldn't find it.
So, after searching through hundreds of recipes online, and forums and blogs and cultural sites, I finally came up with one that was reminiscent of my old recipe. And then I decided, that since I am such a loving person and just love baking, why not just make a whole bunch? I'm such a sweetheart, I'll make them for family and friends, like, "After-Christmas-Bread"... I'll make just ... tons! You know, like a bakery-- flour everywhere, fresh and delicious smells dancing through the house, and a table decorated with a mountain of soft and fragrant Cardamom wreaths, with icing dripping from them and anxious darling kids chorusing like little angels, "Holly, you're the best cooker ever!"

That mountain I envisioned must have been a volcano. Because my day erupted into a nightmare.

I made many, many, many batches of bread....each being doubled or more, and every single one has turned out to be a 20 pound frisbee, as hard as a rock and as unedible as a... 20 pound frisbee.

I am no novice at bread making. I've made bread since the days when I would romp around outside, in a green fringed tunic playing Robin Hood. I hope I can find an excuse. Maybe later we'll discover that the yeast was, you know, a hundred years old or something. Or perhaps that the sugar was packaged wrong when it was processed; maybe it was salt. You never know.

But, I do know that now I have a mountain range of dishes and pans and cookie sheets and bowls to wash...and no bread... and now it's 9pm.

I don't think I ever want to smell cardamom ever, ever, ever again.


Karen said...

Haha! Holly, you are adorable. This is one of the funniest stories I have ever heard...and yet... sad too because I know the feeling of confidently attempting to make something lovely and then feeling like a complete failure when it goes awry. I say without a doubt it must have been the yeast. ; )

Skunkabilly said...

LOL! Holly you crack me up.

Laina's so cute!

Betsy said...

awww, so sad!

emelina said...

that was actually me. but betsy thinks it's sad, too!

emelina said...


this is where i'm spending new year's. do you have a student id? it's more expensive but i think it will be sweet. let me know!

emelina said...


Fire For Life said...

That is absolutely hilarious. Well its good you keep a positive humour about bad bread. I almost emptied the soda in my mouth out through my nose when I read it.

jkeel said...

Wow, what a day. I just got done doing dishes myself, after our ham balls (that I ended up mixing together).

Maybe the oven was feeling grouchy.

emelina said...

Hol, four letters can change your life. You need to figure out which one you are! I also love how it basically says I'm eternally out of luck in the romance department...Oh well. At least I have a rational reason for my lack of dates, now. ;)